Birthday Prayer

I couldn't bring myself to get out of my bed this morning, which of course resulted in craziness this morning and kids getting to school late...oh well, such is life. I sit here on my birthday looking around at a house that needs to have dishes washed and laundry put away. Mundane chores that bring me some sense of normalcy, yet my heart is in so much pain right now...I just want to curl up in a ball and rock myself back to sleep, back to happy dreams that help me to avoid the reality that has broken my heart. It's my birthday today, and there are two dear ones that won't be wishing me a happy birthday. It makes me so sad in such a profound way. I really am trying to focus on the happy birthdays that I will hear from the dear ones that are still with me, and I am grateful for all of them...yet my soul weeps. So the dishes will sit in the sink and the laundry will sit in it's baskets and I will write.

God, I need you close to me right now. I'm so wrapped up in pain and sadness that I can't seem to feel your loving touch. Please reach through the fog that has become a shroud around me and shine your loving spirit into my soul. Infuse me with your presence and shout into my deaf heart that you have not forsaken me! I ask that you fill me with your light, your love, your peace, your joy, so that everyone I come in contact with today would see it pouring out of me. Bind up my wounds with your healing touch and rock me in your arms. I want to feel joy and love again, but my heart is hurting so desperately right now, I just can't seem to feel it. Happiness sits just out of reach, but with your help I know that I can reach and grasp onto it again. Please share your love and comfort with my broken family, dearest Lord. My parents and sister are lost in the fog with me and we need your help to find our way back out. Surround my sister, Carolyn, with your love and peace. My heart breaks for her as well. What a wonderful woman you created her to be, and I am thankful that my brother loves her so much. Help Jeremy to send his love to all of us, we miss him. Please kiss Andrew for me and ease the ache in my arms that I feel whenever I think of him, since I can't hold him close in my arms in this life anymore.  Be with the parents and families in Connecticut. Comfort them, carry their spirits as they begin the journey of grief and healing.  God,  thank you for creating me, and breathing life into me on this day. Thank you for loving me so much. Please help me to feel that love as I make this journey. In the name of your precious son, Jesus, amen.