A Facebook post written by my amazing mother...

I woke tonight and got up at 2;30 a.. to post my reflections and to offer hope and caring and warning. Give hugs. Share your insights. Use Facebook for its higher purpose - to connect, to inspire, to seek to help one another. There are some things that unfortunately need to be let go - I'm notoriously not good at that - but to make room for the new good experiences and beauty in our lives, some space must happen. What we need to guard and keep are the lessons, the love, the visions we've been given at the same time making room for new ones. Love, ultimately and fortunately, is something that expands as it is used and shared. Yes, it's painful because I lost Jeremy, when his name comes up, but I'm so grateful for the memories that are evoked, for the joy and laughter I and others enjoyed because of him, for the shared remembrance and grief.
From the perspective of time I see FB as a place where we're blessed with the capacity to share the triumphs in one another's lives, vent the small and large frustrations and worries as they come along - sick kids, what's broken in the house or in our lives, frozen pipes or frozen hearts, even something as mundane as traffic or Mondays - and receive the support and caring of friends when we deal with the more difficult aspects of our lives - loss being foremost in my mind, but illness, raising any child and particularly those who present challenges, bearing the burdens of providing for a family, and even just ourselves.
We're gifted by a technology that permits see a friend and their kids on their way to CA for a visit, another who has climbed a mountain or run a race, others who mourn the pending loss of a beloved pet, those who wait for or celebrate the birth of a baby, those who are figuring out how to live their lives without a person special to them because of death or in some respects worse - divorce and separation. I see people offering suggestions for curing colds, or new discoveries. I see love and humor and release of pain and frustration.
Thank you friends for sharing glimpses of what's important, and worth the time to post, in your lives - the accomplishments, the insights, the challenges, the questions.
I challenge you to make most of the moments you have. Suddenly having Jeremy no longer an active part in my life underscores the quote I’ve had for my emails: “You can never do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.” Ralph Waldo Emerson. But to stay in the past does an injustice to those who are in my present. The last thing I want to result from the circumstances is to diminish the love and joy and caring for the ones who continue the journey with me. I choose to accept the gifts of the past, which are the clearer for having been present to them at the time, and to bring them to the present to inform and define and focus my presence to the moment at hand.

Reading through my mother's words of courage and strength help me to face the darkness that has been winding it's sickly sweet fingers around my soul. This darkness is a bit tempting...baiting me to fall back into old patterns of coping that in the end are completely self destructive. I wallowed in my own depression over Christmas break, almost reveling in the darkness that clouded everything. How tempting to simply give up the fight and seek solace and comfort in places that would destroy me. I feel like the light that is my soul has dimmed and faltered, like a candle flame choking on too much wax. How insidious the darkness is! It creeps and skulks around, looking for a way to seep into my being, numbing me to the joy that God wants for me. Darkness whispers in my ear..."you can just sit and do nothing, you're depressed. Everyone will understand...Go back to your old habits, it won't be your fault. You deserve to feel better...it will make you feel better..." So tempting, so alluring...I have found myself slipping backwards, into a frame of mind I thought I had overcome. One thing that I have learned over my 43 years is that I have the power to choose. I see you, darkness, creeping into my life behind me, reaching those inky tendrils toward the flame that is me. I suggest you stay back! I recognize what it is you desire, and I'm afraid you cannot have it, for I belong to the light. Perhaps my flame was going dim for a time, but I choose to ask God to help me rekindle that flame, to let me become a beacon in the darkness, pain and confusion of our world. My prayer as always is this:

Dearest God, thank you. Thank you for the life that was given to me. Thank you for the blessing of the family you have helped me to create. Thank you for the family I was born into. Thank you for the gifts and talents you have given me. Please work in me, God, to fully realize those talents in this world to make it a better place, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Infuse my heart, body, soul and mind with your love. I know you are always near me God, but for now, I'm losing my battle with the dark and I need you to carry me. Hold me close to your heart so that I might feel joy again, the kind of joy that you give, God. Fill me with your light, your love, your spirit, so that I can be whole again. Shine your light out into the world through me. Use me to do your will. Help me to treasure every moment I have here, God, until you call me home to be with you and those that have gone before me. Help me on my journey...I've stumbled and I need you. Be with my family. Mark's family is hurting so much...Abby's family is hurting too, and of course my family has suffered two blows, Andrew and Jeremy. Comfort and uphold my mother and father. Send them peace, light and love. Please carry my sister. Her heart has been shattered. Surround my sister Carolyn with your healing touch and love. Bind us together in love and strength so that we can make this journey together to find Joy! In the name of Jesus Christ I cast the darkness back where it came from, and I turn my being toward God's holy light. I love you God, with all that I am. 
I ask all this in the name of my precious Savior, Jesus the Christ. Amen.